April 18, 2018



I’d give anything to have a little peak of what’s on your mind.

So i’d know when you’re hurt, when you feel most love, happy, sad and all there is to feel.

But I can’t and we’re bound to do this thing called “communication” to let someone else know our thoughts and feelings.

I love intimate conversations. I love the ones that make me laugh, or when someone tells me something so pure it makes my tears fall down uncontrollably.  I feel that having an open communication with your partner is what the relationship is about. It shows how you really love, trust and respect the person to extend a part of yourself that no one else sees. The good side and the bad side.

I remember the show How I Met Your Mother, one of the co-writers created Lily and Marshall because he wanted to share how her relationship is with his wife. Lily and Marshall knew their darkest secrets, their ugly traits, they both shared overcoming heartaches with their family members, careers and everyday struggles… everything shared with each other. Each day finding comfort that they both got each other no matter what.

At one point they both needed a break and thought it was the end but eventually found their way back much stronger and wiser.

I hope we find that love that’ll help us pursue life to the fullest. The one that you’ll never have to worry you’ll get hurt or be left behind. A love that’s true you won’t ever think twice of your worth or what you deserve in life. The one that doesn’t need involvement of other people. The one that doesn’t diminish your self-worth and self-love.

I’m praying to get to that higher place.

And I hope you get there too, reader.





How do we go from here?

Do we really love each other?
If we do then why don’t we listen to each other?
Why do we lie to each other?
Why do we hurt each other?
Why do we expect that we’ll be respected even when it’s not reciprocated?
Why do we curse on each other?
Why do we leave each other when we need each other the most?
Why do we belittle each other?
Why do we do things that hurt each other the most verbally, mentally and physically?
If we love each other, why can’t we keep our promises?
We’re not happy anymore.
We’re not okay anymore.
We can’t discuss it entirely in a way that we’re both calm and collective.
We need time apart but we don’t stop seeing each other.
Or do we need time apart or do we heal together?
If we heal together, why can’t we discuss the things that hurt us?
Why can’t we rely on each others back?
We’re both part of the process on how the relationship failed.
Why can’t we both have the courage and understanding to fix it together?
Why not clarify things and be transparent with where this relationship is going?
Is this love or just attachment?



I was in my darkest thoughts last night and struggled to even leave the bed to show up to work but I have just gotten back 2 days ago after not showing up for a week. I feel so lost and confused and unimportant. I opened WordPress to write my thoughts, and I randomly saw this post on top on the post feed. Close and re-opened the window thrice, thinking why would I read something that I am not? But I have to face this in order to get out of it. And this gave a little sense of what was a confusion to me all along.


Today as it is mental health awareness day, I choose to call to all the people who fight this silent battle daily; but do not get enough recognition for it. I applaud your courage to keep living despite sometimes having to endure the pain of being misunderstood and marginalised by society. This is a silent battle I know too well, since it was not long ago that I suffered from heaps of depression and could not see a way out from it. Even worse was the fact that I felt alone when I struggled. Nothing can be further from the truth. Therefore I am going to talk about depression, what it feels like, and hopefully inspire those that have depression to regard themselves in a more positive light.

Depression is an actual mental illness. It does not only mean that you are sad but that your overall energy, life force…

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