“…And I have officially destroyed the most resilient thing I could ever have in my life. How evil and ignorant can I be? How can I turn this around? How can I make the pain go away?”
These were the lines going through my head as I saw her wept herself out. It was the first time I saw her like that… right there and then I knew the chances had all ran out.
I tried pretending I was crazy or deaf… staring somewhere, blabbering nonsense. I was trying to stop the pain. I was trying to let it go away. I was trying to run away from the mess that I’ve made.
It was gruesome. There was no blood anywhere but the pain was all over me.
I felt so lost and incomplete.
It was like a nightmare that no matter how you struggle, you’re eyes won’t just open… and nobody’s there to help you… but yourself.
She wanted me to leave, having packed my clothes and looking straight into my eyes… “I am at my happiest knowing that you’ll be leaving me now.”
“You are a disgrace.”
“You are crazy.”
“You are selfish.”
“You should have gone back to your ex and have him batter you!!!”
It was traumatizing, and I knew it was for both of us.
I don’t know where to go, what to do now…